i was getting an eggy sarnie and an
apple from m&s for me lunch
queing at the checkout behind
an old doris with her
biscuit odour and heavy over
coat even though it wasn’t cold
there was me in a little
cotton summer dress

she had oven ready meals
tins of soup and tuna on the conveyor belt
and asked the checkout girl for
a bag for life
i thought what’s the point of that
she looked eighty
if a day

the old biddy noticed my lunch
smiled at me insisting i should buy
a beef stew with dumplings apparently
they’re very good
i told her i was a veggie
but you’re so skinny my dear she said
yeah ok thanks for the confidence boost
i considered putting that bag for life over
her head
a bag for the life of an old bag
but then
revenge is a dish best served without
jacob’s cream crackers

you young things are so thin
and showing all that flesh
weren’t like that in my day
well i’m getting by thank you very much
getting my boy five-a-day portions
i lied
wanting to shock by being all sluttish
but with a sweet old lady
false teeth smile she said
good for you girl
if i could have my time again i’d be
a right dirty cow
being good’s dead boring then before
you know it a decent shag will bust
yer hip and what with the n-h-s waiting
list i tell yer girl
you go for it



©2012 iDrew
First published by Twenty Something Press 2012 (magazine closed)