On my return from Leeds, I had attended our monthly knit and bitch gathering of the Leeds and Bradford knitters, of course I don’t knit. I did once knit a body bag for my Action Man, with the expressed desire that my all hero Action Man would eliminate my German Action Man during a re-enactment of the D-Day landings, however I was disgusted to discover that my Action Man was in fact using this body bag as a sleeping bag that he shared with my Barbie Doll. That Barbie Doll was such a hussy. Fortunately she lacked genitalia as she was forever lying around without any knickers and frequently hung around on various bookcases wearing nothing but a cheeky come-hither smile. Given that Barbie lacked genitalia, and my all hero Action Man was more interested in his weapons of mass destruction and scuba diving equipment, I’m hard pushed to think what it actually was that the two of them got up to, and the strange stains inside the bag only served to confound the issue. But I digress. On my return home Mother had made some dropped scones. She hadn’t intended to make dropped scones but as she was taking them out of the oven the cat, excited by the prospect of some fresh cream, had got under her feet. Once we brushed off the fluff and crumbs, we sat down to a fresh pot of English breakfast tea, Twinings of course, and tucked into the scones with gusto as I relayed to Mother all the latest gossip and bitching from the knitters. Mother is still serving her five year ban from the knit and bitch after an unfortunate incident with a knitting needle and an over large fishmonger’s wife, who still wears a patch on her left eye even to this day. The conversation moved from a certain fishmonger’s wife, and an eye on a size 14 needle like a cocktail olive on a stick, to poetic justice, to poetry. Now I could start a full scale bitching session about this Collective, but to be truthful, bitching without a ball of wool and a pair of needles feels a little unnatural, so to spare the blushes of Paul and his Pushcart nomination, but not to be outdone, Drew also has a Pushcart nomination, both from BoySlut Magazine.  Unfortunately that doesn’t mend what must be faulty elastic in her knickers, and then there’s Charlotte’s burnt offerings to the gods of kitchen disasters, I present to you Issue 11 of the Clueless Collective’s Magazine of Poetica. And God have mercy on your soul. Amen.

Ben Nitt



Nitt's News -1- Edited by Ben Nitt

My Beautiful Disease

-2- P.A.Levy
Routine -3- Charlotte De’Ath
Dick And Tom Investigate: Eggs -4- Dick and Tom
iSavaged -5- iDrew
Letter Home To Parenthesis -6- P.A.Levy
iAngel -7- iDrew
Dead Red Roses -8- Charlotte De’Ath
Meltdown -9- P.A.Levy
iCook -10- iDrew